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Reader Emails- Round 982

This week was crazy long, right?  Like one minute I was just putting away my American flag spandex pants from 4th of July and the next minute I’m basically finding a Halloween costume.  But somehow I managed to find time in between all this CHAOS to go through some reader emails and luckily they were all thought provoking, intelligent and inspiring as usual.  Here are a few of the winners for us all to grow and learn from: 

Hi!  I just started reading your blog and already it’s my favorite tumblr ever.  Ur posts are so funny; especially when you bring up you as a kid and your experiences growing up.  Can you please write more about it???

Thanks!

Shannah

Shannah- 

I firstly want to apologize on behalf of your parents for their inability to get their shit together and give you a normal name.  It’s like you came and they suddenly forgot if they chose Shannon or Hannah and said, screw it let’s just give her both names.  So I’m sorry about that, because the only place you’re headed with a name like Shannah is Maury. 

But yes, I will be writing more about my childhood, just not on here unfortunately.  It’ll all be part of the book of essays I’m currently writing, so if you dig them help a sister out and buy it when it’s released! 

Stay strong Shannah and just remember- it may not always get better but wine makes it easier. 

WASSUP Dopeness!  Love your taste in music n movies/tv.   Me and the homie were talkin the other day tryin to pick our top 5 albums and we couldn’t do it LOL!!  So now I’m curious what 5 albums you would pick?

LOLOLOL!!!! Sounds like you guys know how to get really crazy!!!!!!!! Remember to invite me next time so that I can know what it’s like to have more fun than waiting at the DMV and filing taxes!!!!!!! 

All LOLs and exclamation points aside, this is actually a serious question and luckily I’ve already prepared my list years ago in case I ever get asked this during speed dating/ if I die tragically in a rollerblading accident and need everyone to know what I’m about. So here are my top 5 albums ever that I’m in no way ashamed or embarrassed about: 

5.  The Suburbs – Arcade Fire

The only album that comes on, and I never skip one song.  Not a single one. 

4. The Writing’s on the Wall- Destiny’s Child

Even as an overweight white girl in Suburbia America, this album was the soundtrack to my childhood. 

3. Blueprint - Jay Z

Izzo; Girls, Girls Girls; Song Cry- I mean, come on. 

2. Thriller – Michael Jackson

The first time I ever performed for my family, I made my brother wear one of my mom’s leather winter gloves while I wore the other, and we both wore star shaped sunglasses while singing Billie Jean.  It was the first time that I knew I loved music. 

1. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band - The Beatles

Because if Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds doesn’t make you feel infinite then you’re probably an alien. 

Hey, what’s up. 

Is this serious.  I hate everyone.

Do you know where to find any Ruben Studdard live performances?  Asking for a friend…

Is this serious.  I hate everyone. 

HI DOPENESS!  My best friend is celebrating her 21st in New York City next weekend- do you have any suggestions of a fun place for us to go?

Girl, she’s turning 21.  She won’t remember if she’s at 1Oak or Chuckie Cheese.  Go wherever serves the cheapest drinks and requires the least amount of dignity.

YO ALL THIS TALK OF DRINKS MAKES ME WANT TO GET THIS WEEKEND STARTED Y’ALL!  Have a great weekend, get crunk and keep these golden nuggets of wisdom comin! 

LYLAS,

DOPENESS

Reader Emails #3

I’ve been really off my game guys.  Like, for example, I completely forgot about this week’s episode of The Bad Girls Club and I didn’t get nearly enough snack packs to last me through the weekend.  I mean, honestly, who only gets four?!  Everyone knows to get eight!  But luckily I recently received some really outrageous reader emails that have snapped me back into it.  And since it’s Friday and I’ve already started my day off with a morning mimosa while listening to Ludacris, I figured I might as well share them-

I recently started reading your blog all day since I saw the link from one of your Yahoo articles.  But I can’t figure it out (and I know you’ve probably been asked this all the time) who is your favorite celebrity?

Firstly, shout out to Yahoo for paying me 10 dollars for that article so I can buy another bottle of Chateau Diana, and for getting me a few more readers.  I have been asked this question multiple times, just like I’ve been asked “how do you get your hair to look so incredible?” multiple times.  I think it’s pretty obvious who my heart belongs to – CoCo, all of the Golden Girls, Antoine Dodson, Foxy Brown, Sisqo, Ralph Macchio, Christine Marinoni and Xzibit.  Other than that, I’m pretty over Hollywood.  But, if they could just have a constant Surreal Life with these exact housemates, my life would pretty much be set.

You can’t possibly think that Ice T and CoCo’s reality show is good.

Is this a question?  I’m not going to waste everyone’s time with my reasons for why this show was most likely made by the hands of God, Zeus and Soulja Boy, but yes.  Ice Loves CoCo will live forever.  And any hater of this is most likely jealous (I’m looking at you, Nick Cannon.  I know this is you.)

Do you think Jessica Simpson will ever make a comeback?

No.  Once Newlyweds ended, so did she.  It’s like basic math.  2+2= 4.  Jessica+ no Newlyweds + mom jeans + cream puffs = no career.

Okay enough I can’t answer anymore.  It’s Friday and I need to go listen to some Juvenille while drinking homemade cosmos (and by cosmos I mean boxed wine).  

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