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Big Ang, you are the wind beneath my wings

When I was growing up, I was convinced that Judge Judy was more powerful than the president, the Pope or Tom Cruise and that she basically ran the world.  I had never seen someone who could silence people, cut them down and destroy their hopes and dreams with one look.  It was beautiful.  I mean, the only other women on daytime television I had to look up to were Rosie O’Donnell and Sally Jesse Raphael, and that was just NOT gonna fly.  How was I supposed to idolize someone who had the same glasses as Mr. Magoo?  Like damn Sally Jesse!  And not only that, but Judge Judy did this all while wearing white lace under her robe and I respected the shit out of that.  It said yea, I may be telling you that you’re the biggest loser I ever met, but I’m still a fashionable lady, you know?

 

Anyways, I thought J square was going to be my number one homegirl 4 lyfe until I saw the beautiful angel that was BIG ANG

 

LIKE COME ON.  If you don’t love this woman just by looking at her then I don’t want to even know you.  Okay okay I know, I might be a little biased because Mob Wives is my favorite show ever in the history of television- I mean anytime I see anyone get this irrationally angry about crumbs, I’m SOLD. 

Big Ang can be summed up in three words: 

Plastic

By my approximation, Big Ang has had 94 plastic surgeries and counting.  One of her boobs is the size of my 2 year old cousin and I’m worried for the safety of others when those things aren’t harnessed properly.  But honestly- we should actually applaud her for being so forward-thinking: if she ever finds herself drowning, she has multiple built in floatation devices, like her ta-tas and her lips.  So there’s that. 

Alcohol 

I’m pretty sure Big Ang’s blood is actually Bloody Mary. 

Wiseguys

“I like the wiseguys because they know how to treat women. They bought me nice houses, gorgeous furs, diamonds, cars, they’re very generous and very good looking.”  OMG JUST ADOPT ME/BE MY BEST FRIEND ALREADY.

Guys, if Big Ang doesn’t get her own spinoff show then I quit life.  She’s the woman I never knew (okay I always knew) I wanted to be.  I have learned more about love, friendship, forgiveness and the Ukraine in the short time I’ve known her than in all my 23 years of life.  If you need me, I’ll be out finding a wiseguy and getting my Big Ang tattoo.

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