Happy Friday party people, or as my mother would say, people who like to get jiggy with it.  I apologize for not blogging more this past week, I’ve spent most of my time celebrating Martin Luther King Jr day by listening to Soulja Boy and Gucci Mane, because they are exactly what I imagine MLK Jr pictured as the future of youth when he gave his I Have A Dream speech.

Now, I don’t know about you guys, but I usually have at least one huge revelation every day.  For example, yesterday I realized that Mandy Moore circa 1999 is one of my soul sisters.  Why?  Um, really didn’t expect to need a reason but for one, when I got my license I wanted a green bug.  I mean now, obviously I realize that’s not a logical vehicle choice, but back then VW Bugs were what’s up.  Secondly I also imagined that I’d meet my dream guy in a diner while me and my friend were casually sipping water.  And lastly, I always had a weird attraction for dance sequences in skate parks while dudes skateboarded around me.  Basically, that candy video is a representation of my pre-teens hopes and dreams, and therefore we are soul sisters. 

But today I had the revelation of all revelations.  I was casually reading some blind items when I saw one posting about a Disney star who just got out of rehab and was telling the public how happy and sober she was, BUT secretly she was relapsing into bad habits again.  Because I’m bad ass at Blind Items, I immediately I knew this had to be Demi Lovato.  Yet unlike other blind items, this one hit me hard.  Like, WTF Demi?  Relapsing and some shit again- what would make you do this?  As Tyra Banks would say WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU!  But then that’s when my revelation hit me and I knew exactly who was behind this:

Just like the saying “behind every good man is a good woman” should be “behind every mental, physical and emotional breakdown is WILMER.”  Let’s first look at Lindsay Lohan- who was she dating right AFTER her Mean Girls peak, and right BEFORE she picked up SaMANtha Ronson and became the hott mess we all know and love?  WILMER.  And now Demi- this chick used to be one, big Dr. Drew episode, struggling with weight issues and substance abuse.  But then she completed rehab and came back to Hollywood all “I’m the healthiest” and everyone was like hell yea Demi!  Unfortunately she wasn’t safe long because who did she see as soon as she got out? YOU KNOW WHO.   And now the bitch is rumored to be back into all her bad habits again. 

I MEAN COME ON GUYS! THIS ISN’T ROCKET SCIENCE.  Wilmer to young Hollywood stars is like that one asshole kid in kindergarten that, while everyone else is building a block tower, comes up and puts just ONE more block on top and the whole friggin tower crumbles.  Like dammit!  Even Stevie Wonder knew this shit couldn’t hold anymore.  So Wilmer, on behalf of all single, stable women out there- stop knocking down our block towers.  Just because you have to live as “the guy who played Fez on That 70s Show” doesn’t mean we all have to suffer with you.